Visualising success

My Wednesday went well, I stuck to my plan all through the day and was really looking forward to my spinach pesto pasta dinner (yum yum!). I made my pasta dough, prepared my sauce, then started rolling my pasta. But my pasta machine was broken. Somehow it had become bent and my dough kept getting stuck. My husband tried fixing it, but it wasn’t happening. After an hour of messing around with it, I was very hungry and the low blood sugar was setting in – I was getting really ratty. I had nothing else prepared, so I ate some canned spaghetti (only a little because my daughter ate most of the can), then I snacked on some bhuja mix I found in the cupboard…… and then I had some ice-cream. Okay, so it wasn’t what I had planned, and it wasn’t as healthy as I should have had, but I still came in under the 1200 calorie mark for the day so I’m happy. Anyway, I’d had lots of veges in my salad at lunchtime.

To help me lose weight, I’m working on positive visualisation (yes that is spelled right, I’m not American!). For so long my mind has been programmed to believe that I’m fat, useless and that I lack will power. I need to change that programming on a subconscious level. The best way to do that is to visualise success. Athletes do it all the time and swear by it. If you really truly believe that you can do it, you will.

To convince your subconscious of a new belief you need to repeat that belief over and over again until it becomes automatic. So I am imagining myself slim, in my favourite (skinny) dress, I imagine what it feels like to be slim, and with lots of energy, I imagine that I’m freer in my movements. When you visualise yourself like this, you subconscious is more likely to direct toward healthy eating and exercise, it increasing your motivation. But the key is repetition.

You know what? It’s already having an effect. I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. It wasn’t until after I’d had my planned breakfast that I realised that this was the first day of my diet that I haven’t woken up craving half a loaf of toast smothered in butter. In fact, when I think about toast and butter, my first reaction is that I would feel heavy and tired if I ate it. Now I know that I’m going to do this.

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Whoo!

Today went awesomely! I had a couple of hairy moments – wanting to eat my daughters crackers and wanting ice-cream after dinner – but I stuck to my guns. Every time I felt tempted I told myself “You are in control and you don’t need it”. I also scheduled in some exercise this morning. I done two miles of the “3 mile walk” exercise video. I’m so out of shape, I use to be able to do the whole thing easily. Now I’m struggling to force my way through the first two miles. But I will get there again.

This crazy heat doesn’t help, especially at 100% humidity. I don’t get that, shouldn’t 100% humidity mean we’re swimming? Oh well, I’m sure it makes sense to a meteorologist.

Okay, I confess, I still really, really want that ice-cream. The fat person in my brain is desperately trying to justify having some: “You’ve only had 1200 calories today, having another few hundred isn’t so bad” ; “Just have a little” ; “You deserve it for doing so well today”.  BAD FAT THOUGHTS, BAD!  Think like a slim person. Pinny: “You’ve had 1200 calories today, that’s perfect, stick with it” ; “You know you won’t dish up just ‘a little’, you’ll still be unsatisfied and want more” ; “You’re doing great, the best reward is losing weight and getting healthy”.

Lesson learned – I hope

Saturday was fabulous! I took my fruit and my salad with me and I ate it. My diet was perfect all day and I felt wonderful. Sunday was looking promising, however I forgot to pick up some low fat milk for my shakes before I got to Mums. I had to improvise, the only breakfast option that didn’t involve using full fat milk was toast – but she only had white bread. Okay, that would have to do. I made a big salad sandwich and ate an apple. Then Mum thought she’d make everyone a cooked breakfast of fried bacon and eggs. It was hard, but I said no thanks. The smell was so good. By lunch time I was ravenous (damn white bread, does it to me every time), what was there? I couldn’t find a damn thing that I thought would be a good option, another white bread sandwich.

Three o’clock, birthday party time, oh good, someone has made a fruit salad, I’ll have some of that. Um, where is the cutlery? Hey, where are the plates?! Really, fruit salad and no way to eat it? God, I’m so hungry – cookies, cake and chips it is then.

Six o’clock, back to mums to get our things together and feed Little Man. Eight o’clock nearly home and starving. It’s past Little Miss’ bedtime, but she needs to eat. Dive in to the supermarket, buy some chicken burgers and buns. I make her one, I make two for me. I eat mine, she hasn’t even started. She’s tired and grumpy, she doesn’t want dinner. She goes to bed. I eat her burger. I’m super full and bloated. God I wish I hadn’t eaten that much.

I probably could have avoided the whole thing if I had just gotten up in the morning and went to buy some low fat milk!

Weekend

The weekend is going to full of its own challenges. Today we are travelling out of town and staying with my parents for the night. We’ll be visiting friends who will most likely offer us beer and snacks, then tomorrow we are going to a 4 year olds birthday party where there is going to be food and a bbq. My plan is to take food with me in the car. I’m going to take fruit and a salad so that if I get hungry I won’t be too tempted to dive into the chip bowl.
I’m feeling good, I’m feeling motivated. I will do this. I am determined not be feel embarrassed about whipping out my salad and fork. Let them laugh and tease, it’s not them who have to live my life. It’s me, and my health has to come first.

Vino and the aftermath

Day one went really well, I stuck to my plans and after dinner I was feeling really good about myself. Then I got drunk with my husband and undid the whole lot. It was one of those spontaneous, out of the blue, party sessions. The television stayed off, then some music went on, chatting and laughing, then next thing you know I’m chugging my way through two bottles of wine.
Of course I woke up with a hangover today, which for me means that I’m ravenously hungry. After a breakfast of cereal and 6(!) pieces of toast, I was too tired to care about a diet and I’ve been picking at food all day. I KNOW I can do this. I HAVE to do this. Tomorrow I will prove this to myself.