Visualising success

My Wednesday went well, I stuck to my plan all through the day and was really looking forward to my spinach pesto pasta dinner (yum yum!). I made my pasta dough, prepared my sauce, then started rolling my pasta. But my pasta machine was broken. Somehow it had become bent and my dough kept getting stuck. My husband tried fixing it, but it wasn’t happening. After an hour of messing around with it, I was very hungry and the low blood sugar was setting in – I was getting really ratty. I had nothing else prepared, so I ate some canned spaghetti (only a little because my daughter ate most of the can), then I snacked on some bhuja mix I found in the cupboard…… and then I had some ice-cream. Okay, so it wasn’t what I had planned, and it wasn’t as healthy as I should have had, but I still came in under the 1200 calorie mark for the day so I’m happy. Anyway, I’d had lots of veges in my salad at lunchtime.

To help me lose weight, I’m working on positive visualisation (yes that is spelled right, I’m not American!). For so long my mind has been programmed to believe that I’m fat, useless and that I lack will power. I need to change that programming on a subconscious level. The best way to do that is to visualise success. Athletes do it all the time and swear by it. If you really truly believe that you can do it, you will.

To convince your subconscious of a new belief you need to repeat that belief over and over again until it becomes automatic. So I am imagining myself slim, in my favourite (skinny) dress, I imagine what it feels like to be slim, and with lots of energy, I imagine that I’m freer in my movements. When you visualise yourself like this, you subconscious is more likely to direct toward healthy eating and exercise, it increasing your motivation. But the key is repetition.

You know what? It’s already having an effect. I woke up this morning feeling fantastic. It wasn’t until after I’d had my planned breakfast that I realised that this was the first day of my diet that I haven’t woken up craving half a loaf of toast smothered in butter. In fact, when I think about toast and butter, my first reaction is that I would feel heavy and tired if I ate it. Now I know that I’m going to do this.

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Whoo!

Today went awesomely! I had a couple of hairy moments – wanting to eat my daughters crackers and wanting ice-cream after dinner – but I stuck to my guns. Every time I felt tempted I told myself “You are in control and you don’t need it”. I also scheduled in some exercise this morning. I done two miles of the “3 mile walk” exercise video. I’m so out of shape, I use to be able to do the whole thing easily. Now I’m struggling to force my way through the first two miles. But I will get there again.

This crazy heat doesn’t help, especially at 100% humidity. I don’t get that, shouldn’t 100% humidity mean we’re swimming? Oh well, I’m sure it makes sense to a meteorologist.

Okay, I confess, I still really, really want that ice-cream. The fat person in my brain is desperately trying to justify having some: “You’ve only had 1200 calories today, having another few hundred isn’t so bad” ; “Just have a little” ; “You deserve it for doing so well today”.  BAD FAT THOUGHTS, BAD!  Think like a slim person. Pinny: “You’ve had 1200 calories today, that’s perfect, stick with it” ; “You know you won’t dish up just ‘a little’, you’ll still be unsatisfied and want more” ; “You’re doing great, the best reward is losing weight and getting healthy”.

Lesson learned – I hope

Saturday was fabulous! I took my fruit and my salad with me and I ate it. My diet was perfect all day and I felt wonderful. Sunday was looking promising, however I forgot to pick up some low fat milk for my shakes before I got to Mums. I had to improvise, the only breakfast option that didn’t involve using full fat milk was toast – but she only had white bread. Okay, that would have to do. I made a big salad sandwich and ate an apple. Then Mum thought she’d make everyone a cooked breakfast of fried bacon and eggs. It was hard, but I said no thanks. The smell was so good. By lunch time I was ravenous (damn white bread, does it to me every time), what was there? I couldn’t find a damn thing that I thought would be a good option, another white bread sandwich.

Three o’clock, birthday party time, oh good, someone has made a fruit salad, I’ll have some of that. Um, where is the cutlery? Hey, where are the plates?! Really, fruit salad and no way to eat it? God, I’m so hungry – cookies, cake and chips it is then.

Six o’clock, back to mums to get our things together and feed Little Man. Eight o’clock nearly home and starving. It’s past Little Miss’ bedtime, but she needs to eat. Dive in to the supermarket, buy some chicken burgers and buns. I make her one, I make two for me. I eat mine, she hasn’t even started. She’s tired and grumpy, she doesn’t want dinner. She goes to bed. I eat her burger. I’m super full and bloated. God I wish I hadn’t eaten that much.

I probably could have avoided the whole thing if I had just gotten up in the morning and went to buy some low fat milk!

Weekend

The weekend is going to full of its own challenges. Today we are travelling out of town and staying with my parents for the night. We’ll be visiting friends who will most likely offer us beer and snacks, then tomorrow we are going to a 4 year olds birthday party where there is going to be food and a bbq. My plan is to take food with me in the car. I’m going to take fruit and a salad so that if I get hungry I won’t be too tempted to dive into the chip bowl.
I’m feeling good, I’m feeling motivated. I will do this. I am determined not be feel embarrassed about whipping out my salad and fork. Let them laugh and tease, it’s not them who have to live my life. It’s me, and my health has to come first.

Vino and the aftermath

Day one went really well, I stuck to my plans and after dinner I was feeling really good about myself. Then I got drunk with my husband and undid the whole lot. It was one of those spontaneous, out of the blue, party sessions. The television stayed off, then some music went on, chatting and laughing, then next thing you know I’m chugging my way through two bottles of wine.
Of course I woke up with a hangover today, which for me means that I’m ravenously hungry. After a breakfast of cereal and 6(!) pieces of toast, I was too tired to care about a diet and I’ve been picking at food all day. I KNOW I can do this. I HAVE to do this. Tomorrow I will prove this to myself.

Mental Battle

My issue with food is a mental one. I eat for comfort, and I have an all or nothing mindset. When I’m trying to lose weight, I find it even harder to resist food. When I slip up and stray from my plan, I tend to say “Well this day is ruined” and I binge. Today is going to be a tough one for me. When I opened the fridge this morning, I saw some left over potato salad, and right away I knew I was going to eat it for breakfast. I had intended on having a meal replacement shake, but once I saw that salad, it was over. I also know that because I’ve eaten it, I’m not going to make it until lunch without eating because my blood sugar will get too low. So, the temptation is just to give up on today and try again tomorrow. What a self-defeating attitude. It is so ingrained in me that I really struggle to let it go.

The reality is, that the salad that I ate was only about 250 calories, not bad for a breakfast – my shakes are 201 – and if I need a snack, a banana or an orange will see me through until lunch. It doesn’t have to be a disaster. If I am ever going to succeed, I need to change this thinking pattern.

I also will have to start planning for situations so that I don’t overeat. Another challenge that I’m facing today, is that my mother is visiting. She usually stops in at a bakery on the way here and buys lunch. The plan here is to tell her about my diet and send the food home with her to give to Dad.

Buying my groceries is another challenge. It’s not the groceries themselves that are the problem, it’s the fact that I have to drive 20 minutes into town and there are fastfood places there. After I’ve done my groceries its usually getting near to lunchtime my tummy is rumbling and the takeaway menu beckons. My plan is to eat a piece of fruit while I’m in town to stave off the munchies.

First Post!!

Hey internet people! I’m PinnytheWu, I’m a wife and mother of two lovely children. Little Miss is 3 years old and Little Man is 8 weeks old.  

Basically, I need to lose weight.  I’ve given myself until the end of the year to lose 82 pounds. I know it sounds totally unrealistic but when you break it down it’s only 6.8 pounds a month or 1.5 pounds a week, which is very do-able. The only catch is that I am a serious binger. I’m talking chocolate by the block, two bacon and egg pies in one go, a family bag of potato chips to myself, it’s disgusting.

I wasn’t always like this, but after years of depression, I found solice in food and my dependence has gradually gotten worse. I now weigh 232lb and it seems to be steadily increasing. My goal weight is 150lb.  I get low blood sugar spells which frightens me as I have known people who have lost limbs and gone blind from diabetes. I’m only 26 years old and I can’t keep up with my toddler. I’m at my heaviest, unhealthiest and I’m exhausted. I have become one of those mums who doesn’t run around and play with her kids because she can’t physically do it. Last month I saw my parents get on the trampoline with my daughter and was horrified that they could do that, but I can’t.

This blog is to record my successes and failures, to keep me accountable for my decisions, to motivate me, to provide an outlet for my rantings and ravings and to act as a sort of diary of my day to day life as a wife and mother trying to lose weight. I hope you find it entertaining as well.

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